Sparks (AU)
by night-fury-baby
Summary: He couldn't kill a dragon. She couldn't get married to a stranger. Hiccup and Astrid leave Berk together, but no one could have ever imagined at what would happen. How could two best friends separated by broken hearts ever be fixed? Especially when everyone has their secrets, and some are darker then others.(Rated M for future lemons and some gore.)(AU, but still Viking World)
1. Leaving

He didn't want to do this…he didn't want to do this…

Hiccup was leaving Berk. He had no choice. He had been chosen to kill the dragon in the ring. He would rather die than harm a single scale on that dragon's head. But to make things worse, his dad was SO proud of him right now. For ALL the wrong reasons. But he would never go up to his dad and explain why he had a dragon in the cove. Or how he was bullied…Or how he still- let's not talk about that.

He grew up roughly. Short and weak, bullied by the elder kids on the island. He'd only ever had one friend and that was Astrid. Everyone else thought she was mean, strong, competitive, and used her "communication" a bit too much. But to Hiccup, she was the sweetest, most beautiful, most stunning girl on the island.

Now he was hooking a large bag of supplies to Toothless' saddle, hoping he brought everything. As he was making sure the finishing touches to Toothless' new saddle for carrying supplies was ready, he looked up to the rocks. He needed to go find Astrid and tell her goodbye. He climbed up the rocks and went to find her. He didn't have to look far. There she was, throwing axes at the tree. But something was different…

Her hair was in an extremely sloppy braid, not the pretty laid back one he was used to. She wasn't wearing a headband, so her long bangs crowned the sides of her head, and her shirt was wrinkled like she had thrown it on in a rush. As for the tree…whoa. She had thrown the axe at the tree so hard so many times that he could see the inside of the bark. She must have thrown it multiple multiple times to get the tree like that. He watched as her arm flung out and the axe buried itself into the tree, stopping at the hilt. He watched as she pulled it out, in a fury, and then made a strange noise as she began to throw it again. That's when he noticed it…her eyes were red and puffy. She had been crying.

"Astrid?"

She froze and dropped her axe. "H…Hiccup?" She wiped her eyes and sniffed, trying to look normal, and not like she had just been crying rivers. "What…What are you doing here?"

Hiccup walked closer to her and gave her a concerned look. "Hey…what's wrong?" He reached out to touch her, but he thought better and put his arm behind him.

"My dad…that's what's wrong." She kicked her axe aside and sat on the ground.

"Is he okay? Is he sick or did he injure himself?" He sat next to her and wrapped an arm around her, not even realizing what he was doing. He quickly realized, but when she didn't react, he swallowed and tried to hide his blush.

"No…he's making me…" She choked out another sob. "He signed a marriage contract…" She sobbed again, putting her face into her hands and letting the tears fall out of her blue orbs.

Hiccup froze. Marriage contract?! Astrid was getting married?! He knew it wouldn't be to him…but he didn't know how he would deal with leaving, knowing that Astrid was getting married. I mean, he knew it was going to happen if he left or not, but so soon? At fifteen? "To…to who?" He managed to spit out.

"I...I don't know! A complete stranger! I came home and my dad said that he'd signed me up to go overseas and be sold as a bride!" She let out another sob. "Hiccup…I CAN'T get married…at fifteen!? And all those guys…" She clamped her mouth shut and just shoved her face into her hands again.

Hiccup struggled with himself trying not to cry. Astrid's father just SOLD his daughter away…like a sheep or a piece of land…how…how DARE he? "Astrid…what else? I know something else happened…come on.." he wrapped his other arm around her and pulled her closer, hoping she wouldn't react.

Astrid didn't even notice. "All those men...all they care about is pretty, working, sexy women who they can pick off easily...and have children with."

Hiccup honestly felt himself start to crumble. First was the idea of Astrid getting married, next was the fact that the one she was sold into marriage with was a complete stranger and now the fact that the only reason that Astrid was sold was to have children.

"And if I don't do it…they'll…they'll probably rape me…to get what they wants…I'll be their pretty little sex toy…that's all they ever want. I'll be locked up with children in some house, being forced upon every night." Astrid leaned into Hiccup without even meaning to.

Hiccup's face paled entirely. All the color drained in a single second. Astrid…young, beautiful, perfect Astrid…reduced to nothing but a sex toy?!

"I…I'm not going to let that happen Astrid…I promise you."

Astrid looked at him with frantic, wide, blue eyes. "What can you do, Hiccup? You may be the son of the chief, but you can't stop a wedding contract…"

"Astrid…I'm…I'm leaving Berk…that's why I came to find to find you."

Astrid's already wide eyes widened as far as they could go and she clutched Hiccup quite tightly. "No! Please Hiccup…please don't! You're my best friend! No, please!"

"Astrid…ever since I was small, I've just been bullied…constantly. No one believes in me, and everyone says that I'm a screw-up, and that I'll amount to nothing."

The little blonde reached out her hand and grabbed his head and turned it towards her. "That's not what I think. I think that you're intelligent, creative, artistic, sarcastic, sweet, and caring. Not to mention loyal. And screw everyone else. If they just don't like that you're different, then they are all assholes."

Hiccup looked at her and smiled brightly. "Thank you Astrid…but…my decision is the same. I'm leaving Berk…now…there's nothing here for me." He moved his head out of her hand.

"So I mean nothing to you."

Hiccup's small sliver of happiness vanished. _Fuck. _He really basically just told her that.

"No…No! I mean…I just…" He turned his head, not wanting to look at her."You're the only reason I stayed as long as I did."

"Why?"

"Because…you're the only person that hasn't treated me like trash."

"Oh Hiccup…" He felt something around his waist and realized that Astrid was hugging him. A bit tightly. But wow…she was making physical contact with him. He returned her hug.

"Astrid…there's something I need to show you…" He sighed and stood up, reaching out his hand to help her up. She took the hand and followed him into the cove until he told her to stop. "Astrid…dragons…they're not what we think they are…" Astrid's expression turned confused as she climbed down the rocks.

"Toothless! Here boy!" Hiccup called. And sure enough, a large black animal leaped out and tackled Hiccup onto the ground.

Astrid let out a scream. "HICCUP! Oh my gods! It's a…a…Night Fury!" She reached for her axe, and then realized she left it at the tree. _Shit._

"Astrid, it's okay!" Toothless crawled off Hiccup and looked curiously to Astrid, slightly growling.

"Hiccup! Are you okay? Run!" But to her surprise, Hiccup was touching the beast, calming him. "Hey…hey bud its okay. She's a friend."

"Who…who is _him_?" Astrid asked, backing away.

"Astrid…please…he won't hurt you. I trained him."

"What do you mean, you TRAINED a dragon?!"

Hiccup shifted uncomfortably. "It wasn't easy, but please Astrid. He'd do anything to protect me and he's my means of travel."

Astrid was terrified. Entirely. She had no reaction, she just had to run…anywhere…and she did. She turned and ran.

"Astrid! Please…oh gods bud, come on!" He jumps on Toothless and races after Astrid, praying the gods that she will forgive him for doing this…

Astrid feels herself being pulled from the ground, and she screams. "Oh by Odin's Ghost! This is it!" She clutches onto Toothless' leg and watches as Hiccup drops her off in a tree, letting her dangle and hold on for dear life.

"Hiccup…please…get me down from here!"

"Astrid, please listen to me! You're the only person who ever will. Please."

Astrid looked up at him, seeing him sit on the dragon, with eyes that were trying to tell her it was okay, to trust him…she crawled over and took his hand, sitting behind Hiccup.

"Okay…I'll listen to you."

Hiccup slowly began to let Toothless fly, flying up into the sky, letting Astrid see the amazing view of the blue ocean and the white clouds close enough to touch. She watched as they flew through the rocks, how beautiful it was…and when he showed her the clouds…oh gods…

She touched the orange tinted clouds, smiling and looking at the beauty of everything, laying back and letting the clouds sweep over her. Hiccup smiled from in front of her.

Finally, after showing her the northern lights, they landed back into the cove. "Alright, so you have all these amazing views…but…is he dangerous?"

"No Astrid. He will protect me and you."

"Me? I thought you were leaving."

Hiccup swallowed and looked into her eyes. "Astrid…come with me. Escape the hell that will be your life if you stay. Please. I'll protect you. I can't stand the thought of you being treated like..." He willed himself not to cry.

Astrid looked at him, then the dragon, then the cove, and back to him. "Hiccup…" She wanted to. She really did. She couldn't live her life here anymore…and she'd have Hiccup with her. It was really the best choice.

"I will. I'll go with you."

After packing the rest of the supplies and collecting some things from Astrid's house, including her bow and arrows. Hiccup said that they should fake their deaths. Astrid cut off half of her braid and spread the hair around the cove, Hiccup slashed at his leg and dripped blood around, and threw some black scales around. Then, in the dark of night, Astrid and Hiccup left Berk. For good.

...

**_And that was chapter one! Alright now, if you guys want to know why this story is M, is because of future lemons but also because this story is twisted and DARK. And this is only the beginning. But things get twisted really fast. But I hope you all enjoyed! I might have a chapter out in the next few days. But it's finals week, so we'll see!_**

_~ Carla ;)_


	2. Secrets

Hiccup told Astrid to sleep while he flew Toothless, looking back at her and flinching at her short hair. Her hair only reached a little over her shoulders now and it was cut jagged. But she was still so beautiful when she slept. It was almost morning, and Hiccup decided that they would reside at an island until he could find a village that wouldn't shoot them down. As he searched for an isolated island, Toothless complained loudly, loudly enough that Hiccup shushed him.

"Alright, alright, I know you're hungry, but I need to make sure I get myself and Astrid to an island before dark. Okay?"

Toothless just huffed and continued to search for an island that could shelter his rider.

Eventually, about an hour later, Hiccup spotted it, and looked back behind him as Astrid slept, her long bangs covering one of her closed eyes. _Gods she's an angel…I can't believe she's here with me. _He carefully shook her. "Astrid…Astrid? I'm sorry to wake you up, but we're here." Astrid yawned and stretched her arms back, and then rubbed her eyes. "Good Morning Hiccup…hmmm…wait…morning?! Oh Hiccup, I told you to wake me up if you got tired!"

"I didn't get tired." He smiled at her. "We're here."

They landed on the island, where multiple dragons surrounded them. "Uhhh…Hiccup?" She asked, backing away slightly as she got off Toothless.

"Don't worry. They'll trust us. You just have to be calm." He spotted a red Monstrous Nightmare as it approached him with baring teeth. "Hey, it's okay. It's okay." He gave the dragon a soothing voice, and it stopped growling. "Alright, it's okay. I'm…we're not going to hurt you." He carefully placed a hand on the dragon's snout and softly gave it a rub. "There now…" The dragon gave a sound of happiness and let Hiccup pet him.

A blue Deadly Nadder approached a terrified Astrid. "Hiccup…" Hiccup looked back and saw her step away. "Excuse me a moment…" He told the red dragon, and walked over to Astrid. "Calm down Astrid. Calm her down. Tell her you're not going to hurt her."

Astrid carefully approached the dragon. "Hi…no, I'm not going to hurt you...it's okay." The dragon stopped baring its teeth and stood in front of Astrid.

"Good, Astrid, now go around to her tail and smooth her spikes down." Astrid gulped and walked carefully and slowly around the tail, patting her sides as she made her way over. When she got to the tail, she carefully smoothed down her spikes, calming her with a soothing voice. "Hey girl…it's okay…" The dragon turned around and nuzzled into her, purring.

"Wow, Astrid, she likes you! Maybe I can show you how to train her!" Hiccup walked over, giving the blue dragon a soft pat. "You, this island seems to be a home to a lot of dragons. Maybe we should call it Dragon Island."

"Maybe…but Hiccup, we should worry about setting up camp. And also, the island name? Yeah, that is SO original." She looked to his bags of food and supplies. "What did you bring for shelter? I brought two blankets from my house."

"I brought two tents." He unzipped one of the bags and pulled out two tightly coiled tent sets. "I can set them up. Can you hunt? I know you brought your axe and your bow."

"Yeah, I can." She walked to the bag she had brought from her house and pulled out her bow and arrows, and grabbed her axe from She slung her bow and quivers onto her shoulder, strapped her axe in place, and got her hunting hat to shove all her hair into to.

Hiccup touched her hat. "What's that? I've never seen you use that." She looked back at him. "My hair gets in my way when I hunt. So it's easy to shove it up in a damn hat."

She ran out to the woods beyond the dragon nests, listening for any sound of a bird or a rabbit. She walked around the place, seeing a family of two rabbits. She felt almost sorry for the poor things as she drew her bow. A perfect shot. One in the neck, and one in the eye. She kneeled down and picked up the rabbits, placing them in her hunting bag. She continued to walk again, looking to the sky and seeing a few dragons. That made her think of Hiccup. The new Dragon-Boy.

_He's really nice for a guy who got bullied all the time. *sigh* I should have helped him when I saw Snotlout and Thuggery beat him up…what was my excuse? Plus…you were his friend…that red-brown in a shaggy, short dorky haircut…and those eyes…those forest-like green eyes…why didn't you do anything? _She sighed again and took off her hat, letting her short hair fall over her shoulders. She pulled her hair to her, tracing the jagged edges. She placed the cap back on and searched for more food, finding a stream and shooting a few fish.

As she finished placing all the fish into her bag, she heard something behind her, drawing her dagger and flipping around. She came face to face with Hiccup, her dagger about two inches from his nose. She quickly placed her dagger back.

"Hiccup, do NOT scare me like that."

He gave her an apologetic look, running his hands through his hair. "Sorry Astrid. I just thought you'd be back by now." Toothless wasn't far away, chasing a butterfly.

She tried not to smile. "I'm fine, Hiccup. But we've got two rabbits and five fish for dinner."

They got on Toothless and flew back. Hiccup had successfully gotten two tents up, and had a fire started, along with a big black pan. Astrid looked at the pan. "How did you?..."

"My kitchen. I figured we'd need something to cook with." She gave him her hunting bag and watched as he removed three fish and fed them to Toothless. "There ya go, bud. Eat up. We'll be limited on food for a bit. Astrid can't hunt every day. She'll get hurt."

Astrid scoffed. "I would not. I'm strong." Hiccup laughed. "That may be so Astrid, but _I _am the one who can save you from all the scary dragons." He smirked at her.

_That little…how DARE he tease me! _"Oh yeah, Hiccup? Well without me, you'd be alone with your scaly friend. So shut up."

Hiccup chuckled, stealing glances at her as he gave her a piece of the fish and rabbit on a large piece of bark. "There you are, Bow Girl."

Astrid froze. "Umm…thanks…"

Hiccup's head hung sadly as he tried to eat. He remembered her nickname…and the memories…just him and Astrid against the world…he'd give anything to go back to those times…holding the little blonde's hand, running through the hills…they were the best times of his life.

Astrid willed herself not to look at him as she finished her fish and rabbit quickly. "Well…I'm going to bed. I have to change, so you better not try to look at me, or I'll smack you SO hard."

Hiccup gulped. "I…I…I'm not that kind of….umm…person….Astrid…" His cheeks glowed bright red.

Astrid folded the entrance with fabric and changed her clothes, and then climbed into bed. His words echoed in her mind.

_It's all I have left of us being friends."_

She missed those days…her head started to fill up with memories, and before she knew it, she heard Hiccup fold up the entrance to his tent. She remembered those days…when they were young…before she got strong and popular…

"_The air was crisp and cool as the leaves fell from the trees, making way for a strong winter. But despite the cold, two little kids ran through the leaves, racing around. The one ahead was the 8 year old blonde. She was tall for her age, and fast too. She was jumping over rocks and logs quickly and her hair was in a tight ponytail, draping down her back._

"_Come on Hiccup! You can go faster!"_

_9 year old Hiccup was behind her, trying to keep up. But he didn't have as much energy as his friend. No matter how hard he tried, he could never catch up to her. But he didn't mind. She was happy when she won, and all he ever wanted to do was make her happy._

"_I'm trying Astrid, but you're just way too fast!"_

_Astrid stopped abruptly, and sat on the log next to her. Hiccup ran after her, sitting next to her, out of breath. Astrid smiled at him, watching the leaves fall, shaking them out of her ponytail._

"_You're pretty fast Hiccup. I just train a lot harder. Besides, you don't need so much strength. You work in the forge don't you?"_

_Hiccup nodded. He enjoyed the work, except when he had burned his fingers once, but Astrid had been there to bandage them up, so he was fine. It seemed he was happy as long as Astrid was with him. She was his best friend. They had been for years. And neither wanted that to change._

_Hiccup looked to her. He had always thought how her hair was so beautiful when the light shined on it just right, and how her blue eyes simply sparkled. He had had a crush on the youngster since he was 7, but he'd never tell her. She'd never think of him like that…_

_Astrid secretly liked him, and she knew that he liked her back. But whenever she thought about telling him, she got way too shy. Plus, she knew she was too young to understand her feelings anyway, so she tried not to pay attention to it."_

Astrid cracked a smile when she remembered the memories. Oh, how close friends they were…they went everywhere together…until…that one day…

"_11 year old Astrid had just finished beating the living _shit _out of Snotlout and Thuggery. They had been beating up Hiccup again, and as always, faithful Astrid beat the crap out of them. Hiccup had thanked her, and they had had hugged. Now she was home, exhausted and ready to sleep._

_Ingrid noticed her daughter's arrival. "Hello dear! Were you with the Haddock boy again?"_

"_Yes Mom, and beat the crap out of Snotlout again. When will he learn to leave Hiccup alone?!"_

"_I don't know dear, but your father wants to speak to you."_

_Astrid scurried into the living room, where her father sat. "Papa? You wanted to talk to me?"_

_Arvid Hofferson nodded. "Sit down, Astrid." Astrid sat down in a chair. "Astrid, lass, you're almost all grown up. And…you know how hard you've been training. But lately…you've been slacking. Always protecting the Haddock boy...playing with the Haddock boy…everything is about the Haddock boy!"_

_Astrid gulped. "But Dad, you know that we're best friends, and we always will be. And I do train, but I have to take some of my day to protect Hiccup."_

_Arvid sighed, and put a palm to his face. "No, Astrid, you don't. And you won't. Starting tomorrow, I ban you to play with the Haddock boy. Or protect him, or speak to him. And if you do, I'll tell his father that he needs to stay away from you. Training is your only priority."_

_Astrid was close to tears. "But…but Dad… I…I l-"_

"_I don't want to hear it Astrid! Stay away from him! Now go to your room and think about how you're going to tell him that you can't talk to him anymore."_

_Astrid ran up the stairs and buried her face into her pillow, crying heavily. She had no idea how she would tell Hiccup…and who would protect him now that she wasn't allowed to! She…she liked him. A lot. She didn't want anything to happen to him!_

_The next morning, like every morning, 12 year old Hiccup knocked on her door so they could walk through the woods. Arvid nodded at Astrid and winked. She sadly walked to the door and walked out with Hiccup to the forest. _

"_What do you want to do today, Astrid? A race, maybe a few hunting practicing, just sitting and talking?"_

_Astrid looked to him, and as she remembered her father's words, her eyes filled up with tears. _

"_Astrid? Hey…Bow Girl, what's wrong?"_

_Astrid smiled at her nickname. She had earned it when he had made her first bow and had caught seven squirrels with it on the first day. "Hiccup…we…we can't hang out anymore…"_

"_W…What? Astrid….what are you talking about?" When she looked at him, his eyes were filled with shock and disbelief. _

"_Look Hiccup…I have a reputation to withhold, and I can't just protect you all the time. I need to train, and be the best. And if that means that we can't be friends anymore…" Her eyes filled with tears again, letting some slip down her cheeks as she looked away from him. _

"_So be it…"_

_Hiccup couldn't believe it. "But Astrid…" But she wasn't paying attention to him. She was crying now. And without a word…she walked off, tears dripping down her face."_

Astrid began to cry. Why did she say that to him?! Why didn't she tell him the truth?! Tears ran down her face as she remembered that day. She had gone axe throwing, and when she went home, she looked out her window and Snotlout was beating the crap out of Hiccup. She had cried, begging the gods to give him the strength. She couldn't watch him…she couldn't. She had broken his heart…and with it, she had broken her own.

She cried into her pillow, wishing that they were still friends…and…as much as she hated to say it…she still liked him…and she needed to fan that spark if she had a chance of actually loving him.

But maybe she shouldn't be here. She knew it pained him…she had to leave him…she knew what to do…she'd ask Hiccup to help her train the blue Nadder…and when she was ready…she'd fly away…and not cause him anymore pain.

…

Hiccup's head had filled up with memories as well as he lay down in his tent. Her words echoing at him…she had left there…wondering what he did wrong…he had cried…so hard…and…he had done something that followed him forever…

"_He had run home, seeing the house empty. He had grabbed his father's forgotten razor and locked the bedroom door, tears falling down his face as he pulled up his sleeve._

"_This for being a wimp."_

_He slashed his arm, leaving a line of blood in place._

"_This is for being a failure."_

_Another slash, a bit deeper than the first._

"_This is for being a weak nobody."_

_He slashed again, blood beginning to drip on the floor._

"_This is for…never telling her…"_

_He slashed his arm as deep as he could. He tried not to scream out in pain as he watched his blood puddle by his feet._

"_And this…this one…this is for her."_

_He slashed one more time, watching his blood collect on the floor around him. And strangely…he felt better. Like he deserved this…his descend into madness was beginning, and it had all started with a drop of blood._

_And a razor."_

He pulled up his sleeves. His arms was now covered in scars, along with his thighs. He knew what each and every one of them meant. And most were for her…failing her…

As he looked through the thin fabric of the tent, he saw her sleeping form. And tears came to his eyes. He still loved her…dearly…and he'd do anything for her.

_Do it. You know you want to. You deserve it…_

The voices…the voices…

_I see you burned your dinner when she left. Good boy Hiccup…you don't deserve food anyway…_

Hiccup tried to fight it…but every time he he wasn't going to try. He crawled over to his bag and tearfully pulled out his razor. It was just one of the eleven he'd collected over the years…

He slashed his wrist, over a faded cut, re-opening it. He didn't even feel any pain…not anymore.

"This is for being useless."

Blood circled onto the cuts, slowly rising out of his skin.

"This is for not telling her."

Blood began to drip down his arm, dripping on the floor.

"This is for her. For not being there for her, not protecting her, for not even…trying to help her…"

He slashed at his wrists four more times, tears adding to the ring of blood on the floor. This is how it had been…cut after cut…blood rings after blood rings…starvation after starvation…the cycle never stopped.

And it never would.

...

**_Okay guys, so I want to make this clear. In this AU, Hiccup and Astrid used to be best friends.(It's relevant for later) If you don't like that, I'm sorry, but this all formed from an AU roleplay on Instagram that got dark, twisted, and good. I hope you guys stick through this. Because this roleply took two months to finish, and we re-wrote twice. So I hope you guys like it._**

**_Everyone has secrets. Some are darker then others._**

**_Carla ;)_**


	3. Control

The moment he woke up, he felt it. The little sting that he felt every time he opened up a cut. He winced as he placed his hand to his arm, feeling the heat, and seeing the dried blood crusted on the angry red skin. With a sigh, he took the bloody rag from last night and wiped off the rest of it, putting pressure on the cuts immediately so they wouldn't bleed again. But he didn't feel much of anything, except the rag to his arm. He just studied all the dried blood on his rag from past moments, and how hard it was to keep finding room to add more blood to it. When he lifted up the rag, to his disappointment, the cuts were bleeding again, so it looked like he had no choice but to sit there for a bit longer and make sure that there was no blood for Astrid to see.

When he finally walked out of his tent, he saw the sky was blue with few clouds. It was sure to be a warm day. When he looked to Astrid's tent, he grew curious on whether she was up or not. But he didn't just want to look inside...he had no idea what she slept in. For all he knew, she could wear nothing at all. But that thought cleared away quickly as he got to the flap of the tent.

"Astrid? Are you awake?"

At first he heard nothing, but then a soft yawn echoed through the fabric over to him. "Yes, Hiccup I'm up...let me get dressed and I'll be right there."

He quickly walked off and checked the fire where he had made Astrid dinner last night. When he looked through the ashes, some of the food that he burned last night stayed intact. With a sigh, he walked over behind the tent, where Toothless slept. "Hey, bud...can you re-start the fire from last night?" With a small groan, the black dragon sleepily wobbled up and walked over to the fire pit, where he sparked it quickly and looked back up to his rider.

"Thanks, bud." As the fire started up again, he grabbed a nearby stick and poked at the charred food pieces, until they broke apart and turned into ashes themselves. When he turned around, he was met with electric blue eyes.

"Gah! A...Astrid! H..Hi!" He kicked the stick away with his foot and put on a nervous smile as she gave him a weird look.

"Uhh hi. Look, do you need me to go hunt again? Or do we have enough food for breakfast?" Her bow was on her back, attached to her fur coat that she had stuffed into Hiccup's bag before they left Berk, ready to head out.

"Huh? Hunt? Food? Oh! N..No, we got fish. I...I uh...I can make that." He scurried about, grabbing the pan from last night, and handing it to her. "Can you go wash this off in the stream where you found the fish? I have to clean the fish." Then he went inside his tent and came back out with a small piece of cloth.

With a sigh, Astrid placed her bow against a tree and grabbed the pan, placing it under her arm, shoving the cloth into her pocket, and walking towards the woods. "Alright, I'll see you later." She stole one last glance at him as she disappeared beyond the trees.

When the young blonde was finally out of sight, Hiccup sighed in relief and walked over to his basket of food from yesterday, pulling out two fish and grabbing a dagger, breaking to slit the skin carefully and pull out the bones.

...

Astrid walked through the woods for the second day in a row, noticing things he hadn't noticed yesterday. Like a large log near the stream, where a person could easily hide in the masses of grass and moss. It would a good hiding place if she ran into a dragon while she was out here, not really wanting to approach another one of the scaly beasts. When she finally leaned down in front of the stream, she took off her fur coat, and plunged the pan into the water, gasping when she felt just how cold the water was. But instead of flinging her hands out of the water, she braced the chill and reached into her pocket, grabbing the cloth, and beginning to scrub the pan.

"_What am I, a scullery maid?!"_

With that thought, Astrid started wondering why she'd even _agreed _to this. She should be hunting or throwing axes, but _noooo_, she had to be here, cleaning dishes! Of all things to do, she was cleaning _dishes?! _She was a Hofferson! A shieldmaiden! Why was she doing this? Because poor little Hiccup had asked her to?

"_Can't you just do it for Hiccup?"_

Damn, she was thinking about him again...couldn't she just get him out of her damned head? All those memories happened three years ago, and she wanted to keep it that way. But damn, damn, _damn, _if those feelings didn't make her feel so guilty...

She felt her grip on the pan and the pace of her scrubbing hand increase as she tried to ignore the voice in her head, telling her to just do it for Hiccup...why did her thoughts always come back to him? Hiccup, Hiccup, Hiccup, _Hiccup!_

_"Hey, Hiccup! What to race with me today?" Astrid had just thrown a nicely sized rock at Hiccup's bedroom window, hearing the loud "_**clank"**

_Nine year old Astrid smiled from the ground below Hiccup's window with another rock ready, when it opened and a terribly sleepy ten yearold Hiccup was revealed, rubbing his eyes with one eye._

_"Aren't you up a bit early, Hofferson?"_

_She let out a loud laugh. "No, I think it's the perfect time for a race. What do you say, Haddock?"_

_Little Hiccup looked out at the sky, letting out a sigh as he saw that the sun was only halfway in the sky, and he should really be asleep. Now normally, he would have loved to say yes, and race her to the woods, where they would collapse and laugh and hang out together for the rest of the day, but today was a work day, and he couldn't miss it._

_"I can't today, Astrid. I'm starting work with Gobber in about an hour."_

_"At the forge? Okay, so you have an hour. Just a quick race? To the first tree of the wood border?"_

_"Astrid-"_

_"Please? Do it for me?"_

_The Haddock boy knew very well that he'd never be able to say no to those beautifully electric blue eyes that still shone brightly even though daylight barely cracked._

_"I...well...alright..."_

_"Woo-hoo! I'm giving you ten minutes to get dressed, or I'm getting a free head start!"_

_He simply smiled at her and shut the window to get dressed, leaving a very happy Astrid down below."_

_..._

She heard a branch break and she was snapped out of her trance, dropping the cloth into the water and turning around with the pan in hand. When she looked around, she saw no one near her, but then she heard another branch break right at her feet. With an un-ladylike squeal, she nearly jumped into the stream as she saw a green Terrible Terror who was staring up at her with small yellow eyes.

"H...Hi...little...g..guy" She kept a careful grip on the pan as the dragon sniffed her legs, and then her feet. With a tiny squawk, and a nod of its head, it flew away, leaving Astrid with a confused look on her face. She had a weapon...why didn't he hiss...or attack...or _something_?!

Speaking of her weapon, when she turned the pan around in her hand, it was perfectly clean, and she could go back to camp. Returning to the stream to quickly grab the soaked cloth, wrung it out, and then placing on her winter coat again she walked back to the campsite.

The first thing she saw when she walked right into the campsite, was Hiccup, scratching his dragon on the neck, slightly laughing as the dragon purred and cooed.

Astrid tried not to smile as she walked to the fire pit, seeing two pieces of fish, perfectly cleaned and removed of bone. He'd done a perfect job cleaning the fish. They'd be eating good this morning.

"Hi, Astrid!"

His nasally voice rung out, causing Astrid to turn around. "Hey, Hiccup, here's your pan. Got anything else for me to do?"

"Nope, unless you want to go and get some new firewood." He quickly turned around, not wanting her to see him smirk. If anybody knew about her love for throwing axes, it was him. He used to watch her sometimes, to dull the pain of knowing that he lost her. She never noticed him once, and some days, if he stayed for too long, tears would silently slide down his cheeks.

Her eyes widened. "Yes, that would be nice." She quickly grabbed her axe from her tent, and pitched out again, her face twisted in a huge smile.

As she left him alone again, Hiccup warmed the pan as he watched Toothless grumble over with his huge black body. "What do you think of Astrid, bud?" In response, the dragon snorted, but wagged his tail. "Well you haven't known her as long as me…but I like her. A…a lot. But she'd laugh or probably even scream if I ever told her…she's made it pretty clear that she never wants to be…like we used to be…" Toothless grumbled in confusion and Hiccup sighed deeply. "She was…the most…beautiful, stunning, remarkable, resourceful, strong, brave, most…wonderful girl I'd ever known…she…she was perfect in my eyes and she knew I'd do anything for her…where did I go wrong?"

He hadn't even felt it, but when the first tear dropped off his cheek, he knew more would come. With a heavy sigh, he allowed it, and started his work on the fish. The want to hurt more was starting to rise, but he tried to swallow the pain. He couldn't do this…not again. What if Astrid came home early? He tried to resist, focusing on the fish, waiting for it to cook. The pan moved so nicely in his grip, and soon, the fish were cooked and he placed them on plates before feeling it again.

The itch was driving him crazy.

His blood was boiling, and the resist just wasn't working.

"_Think of Astrid…think of Astrid…what would she think if she came here and you were all bloody?"_

He felt light-headed all of a sudden, and then he found himself on the ground, panting and clutching his chest, trying to keep some air inside his body. Thoughts swirled through his head and he couldn't even think anymore…but then he felt it. A touch. A light touch.

"_Hiccup? Are you okay?"_

When he gained the strength to look up, he saw her. Her beautiful eyes…that long blond hair, that concerned look that he hadn't seen her give him since they broke apart. She was truly worried. He could see it.

"No, no Astrid, I…I'm fine. I just got…dizzy."

_That's not a total lie, _he thought, as he saw her hand reached towards him, and pick him up.

"The fish smells delicious; Hiccup, but maybe you should get some rest…" She was truly worried for him now. He looked blank, weak, sick. There was something…off about him, and she didn't like it. Not one bit.

"Alright Astrid.." She sat him down and placed his fish in front of him, and watched him eat slowly. There was just something…not right…and it was almost scaring her. But he ate, surely and slowly, chewing with the utmost caution, as if he chewed too fast, he'd break something.

Soon enough, breakfast was over and Astrid told him to get some more rest. "You're paling Hiccup…please…get some rest."

He was so tired he felt like passing out, but there was one more thing he needed to do. "Astrid, I'll rest in a moment. I need to go wash my hands and face."

Astrid only nodded. But she couldn't help but feel like something was off as he walked off.

…

When he reached the stream, he sighed in relief, not knowing how much longer he could walk. He kneeled down and crawled over to a nearby tree, looking over his shoulder, hoping Astrid didn't follow him to see what he was about to do.

The moment it hit his gag reflex, he coughed. But he couldn't stop now. He reached back, again, coughing harder, hacking the tiniest bit as the taste of fish came back to him. The third time, he tasted it. But it was vile, bitter, hot. But here was the finale. The fourth time, it happened. All of the fish he had just eaten spilled out of his mouth and onto the ground, leaving him to hack and cough before getting up and wiping his chin. It hurt worse every time, and now he was left with an empty stomach once more.

Walking back proved to be painful as he could still taste the vile on his tongue. But as he walked back into the camp, he felt Astrid carefully help him into his tent, and then give him a weak smile before she left. Only one thing came to his mind.

_Do it._

_No._

_Do it!_

_No!_

_DO IT!_

_NO!_

He fought with them, all the voices ringing in his head, refusing them, feeling his tears come back as the realization hit him. He was trapped. And there was nothing he could do about it.

Because it had taken over his own body now.

He cried himself to sleep as the blood spilled from his arm once more.

...

_**I know what you guys are thinking. Carla, WTF? I know, I know, but the next chapter will be happier, I promise. Stormfly will be in it. But I'm Really sorry for the wait guys. I've been grounded and unable to contact my co0writer. But we're back in business and will hopefully have a new chapter by the 20th or before. I am really sorry about the wait guys. It's not always going to be like this, I promise.**_

_**Yours truly,**_

_Carla ;)_


	4. Stormfly

Astrid walked away from Hiccup's tent, looking a bit concerned. She really hadn't known how to react when she saw Hiccup, on his knees, clutching his chest tightly as if gasping for air. She wasn't going to lie…it _scared_ her. And for some weird reason, she had no idea why…she didn't _care _about him or anything…

"_You KNOW you still care about him."_

She was just about sick and tired of this feeling rising every time she thought of Hiccup. That stupid voice would make her feel bad about herself, and the things that she'd do. But now, as she sat in front of the fire, she didn't know what to do…he was so pale after he had eaten the fish. Like he didn't want to eat it. And then coming back with an odd odor before she helped him into bed. She was sure she recognized it, but what exactly she didn't know…

Her plan to fly away on the blue Nadder popped into her head. "Am I causing all of this? All of this distress and pain to Hiccup?" She didn't know, but if she was hurting him, Gods help her; she would leave as soon as possible. She'd hurt him enough…but then her thoughts traveled to what would happen if she DID leave. He'd be sad, hurt that she'd left, maybe get sick, or depressed. She didn't want to see that happen to him…she still cared about him.

The moment the realization hit her was huge. She still really did _care. _She cared about the young boy who walked around the village as an outcast, who was always somewhat clumsy, who was always so intelligent, and sweet, and kind, and so loving to her…

_Loving._

Her thoughts traveled back…back before all of this happened, when they were friends…and then a certain flashback came to her…

"_Eight year old nine year old Hiccup had just finished racing up the hill. As usual, little Hiccup took second place, but he never minded, it seemed. Almost like he was glad he lost. _

"_What do you want to do now, Astrid?" He'd asked her breathlessly, leaning over a tad, and holding his knees, obviously tuckered out._

_Astrid had smiled with a mischievous grin, and laid onto the ground and began to roll, looking up at him, who got the idea pretty quickly, laying down with her and beginning to roll as well. They rolled down the hill, laughing with each other as they picked up more and more speed. _

_When they reached the end of the hill, they both laughed and stood up to dust off all the leaves off their clothes. As she flipped her hair around, trying to get out the leaves, he looked at her again. Every time she was doing something that he found interesting. It was always a look she liked, his green eyes filled with an emotion she didn't recognize, his heart beating slightly faster, focused on her._

"_You know… Astrid, you're pretty cute…"_

_Astrid, at that time, had not really been paying attention, still trying to get the leaves out of her hair before looking back to him. His cheeks were slightly pink and she smiled at him._

"_Thanks, Hiccup. I think you're wonderful too."_

_She laughed as she watched his face turn red. He seemed somewhat embarrassed. But then he had stood up as straight as possible and cleared his throat._

"_W..Who? Me?! No, no! I'm not wonderful at all, Astrid…far from it…."_

_Her eyes turned from amused to sad in a heartbeat. "Hiccup, that's not true at all…you have such talent in your draw-"_

"_HICCUP!"_

_Her mouth snapped shut as his father's voice rung out, calling him home. He seemed angry, like Hiccup had done something wrong…again._

"_You have such talent in your drawings, and you're very smart. Smarter than me for sure."_

_The boy's cheeks flared and then he simply wrapped his arms around her for a hug. And Astrid hugged him back, smiling at how warm he was._

"_T…Thank you Astrid…"_

She remembered the words that he'd spoken to her. He'd thought she was _wonderful._ And she had said it back to him! But in all honestly, he was, indeed, in some ways, _wonderful._ But she'd never truly admit that. It wasn't like she was attracted to him or anything. It was just her opinion. And her opinion was that to her that he was…wonderful. End of story.

But was it really just an opinion?

…

'_It's been two days since I woke up, and I think today is a good day to show her some dragons. If I want her to stay, she'll have to get used to them.'_ Hiccup thought as he crawled out of his blankets. He knew today would be the day to introduce her to the Blue Nadder, and maybe if she liked the dragon, teach her to begin training it. So after he had gotten dressed, he walked outside and noticed Astrid was still in her tent, but from the rustling he knew she was getting dressed, and knew if he wanted to keep his head, then to stay away from her tent and move as far as possible.

When she finally came out of her tent, she smiled when she saw that Hiccup was up. In the two days after she had put him in bed because of dizziness, he had been getting up very late, and he would still seem pale. But he looked much better now, maybe it was because of the soup she cooked for him.

"You look awake, and happy. What's on your mind?"

For some reason, in the past few days, Hiccup noticed that Astrid had been very kind to him, unless he did something stupid, and in all honesty, it reminded him of the times when they were friends again. He still really wanted to know WHY she'd stopped talking to him, and neglecting him. Not that that he couldn't SEE why. She had a reputation, and no idiot wanted to talk to some scrawny, clumsy, stupid, weak, worthless runt.

"I was just wondering if you maybe wanted to go and see some dragons, maybe run into that blue Nadder again." He tried to smile, hoping she'd agree.

Astrid had to think a moment before she remembered the blue dragon. When she did, it dawned on her about her old plan to leave him so she didn't hurt him anymore. And really, when she thought about it, it was the right decision."Yeah, Hiccup, it sounds great. I'd love to meet her."

…

As soon as Hiccup got the dragon to walk up to Astrid, a sudden pang of fear struck her. She didn't know if she could do this anymore…staring into the eyes of the dragon, only a few feet away from her. She took a little step back, walking into Hiccup.

"It's okay Astrid…she doesn't want to hurt you, I promise." He put a comforting hand on her shoulder and gave her a soothing calm-like smile. Her bravery came back once again, and she approached a dragon a bit closer. "Hi…H…Hi, there girl…it's me…from the other day…uh…I'm not going to hurt you, I swear." She carefully and slowly walked behind the dragon, seeing the spikes on her tail point up, ready to release at any time. Taking a deep breath, Astrid crouched down and picked up the tail, curving her hands around so that she didn't touch one of the spikes.

Hiccup watched with caution the whole time, ready to jump in front of Astrid if the dragon tried anything. He'd never forgive himself if something happened to her…and it wouldn't. "Alright Astrid, great job. Now, smooth down her spikes slowly…"

Astrid did just that, slowly moving her hand across a spike, careful not to touch the poisonous tips, fanning down the spikes, and watching the dragon's protective stance lower into a relaxing pose.

"Good!" Hiccup nodded, "Good, now that her spikes are down, slowly come into her view and show her that you aren't scared of her."

Astrid slowly let go of the tail and then walked up in front of the dragon. The dragon sniffed her quite curiously, and then looked her over, seeing she carried no weapon.

"Okay Astrid, big moment. Very slowly reach out your palm and see if she'll let you pet her."

With a deep breath, Astrid very slowly reached out her palm and watched as the dragon made no moves, just watched her hand. But before she could even get the palm to the dragon's face, the dragon moved her head to the hand. In a short moment of shock, Astrid gave the dragon a soft rub, and she almost could swear that the dragon cooed.

"She likes you, Astrid! Do you like her?"

Astrid continued to pet the dragon, finding herself calm and relaxed. It was like the dragon was calming her, cooing into her hand, and looking at her gently through those small yellow eyes.

"Yeah…I do…"

Hiccup's smile got even wider. "How about you give her a name?"

Astrid thought about this for a moment. She was giving her transportation a name…well…she hadn't really thought of any names, but one simply just came to her. "I like Stormfly."

"That's a nice name. Do you want to see if you can fly her?"

…

For the next few days, Hiccup taught Astrid how to fly Stormfly and even train her a bit. On the fifth day of flying, she felt ready enough that tonight was her night to leave…she had a feeling growing in the pit of her stomach, and it was starting to hurt, like she knew she shouldn't be doing this, but she was going to do it anyways. She saw the pain that came to his eyes when she looked at him…and she couldn't take it…

Gathering her bag and filling it with the ten fish that she'd caught early in the morning, some rope, and some other necessities that she'd need. Slinging her bow and axe over her shoulder, she took one last look at the camp, and sighed as she walked into the woods, her hair in her hunting hat.

She hated leaving, she really did, but she thought it was best for him…walking through the woods, softly calling out for Stormfly.

"Stormfly…" She whisper-shouted, "Stormfly!" She continued calling for the dragon until she heard soft wing beats flutter to the ground. "Stormfly!" She gave the dragon a soft rub on the head before taking out the rope and tying her bags to the back of the dragon, and then situating herself on Stormfly, looking at the night sky and sighing. "Come on girl…"

Right as she was about to leave, her thoughts broke.

"Astrid? What are you doing?"

She froze.

...

**_Hey guys! Sorry, I know its a long wait, but its been rough trying to get this out. So, I'll try to have Chapter 5 out by the 30th. The next chapter is worth it though, don't worry!_**

**_Carla ;) _**


	5. Chance

Hiccup's P.O.V.

It was a coincidence really. I had been awoken from my nightmare when I felt my left arm swell from last night, and unwound my bandages. It was the same nightmares I had every night. The one I always had, the day where Astrid decided that her reputation was more important than our friendship. But lately, I'd been having a worse dream. Astrid…the little girl I grew up with, being tossed into a room, onto the floor where she looked dirty, scared, and messy. Her hair looked like it hadn't been combed in a while, her dress was very ragged and disgusting, and just her entire appearance was that of fear. It was like she waiting for something she knew would come, and she squirmed and tried to get away from the door as far away as she could. I never knew exactly where she was, but I knew that the hell that I saw was her home if she had stayed and become a bride.

When I awoke, I had no wish to stay asleep, and decided that I needed a walk. I quickly got dressed and walked outside. It was actually a warm night; we didn't have many of those here. I don't know what exactly made me go to Astrid's tent, but I had a sudden urge to make sure she was alright, probably just from the dream. But when I used one eye to look inside, it appeared that she was gone. At first, I thought she might be gone for a walk, but then I saw that her bags weren't on the side of her blankets anymore.

The only thing I felt was panic. Had she been taken? Had she simply left? I didn't know exactly at the time, but my first instinct was to wake Toothless. I remember running over to the big black animal and shaking him like crazy, but I think that was because _I _was shaking like crazy.

"Toothless! Bud! Come on, get up! Astrid's gone!" I kept shaking him, and he quickly awoke. At first he seemed a bit annoyed, but when he saw the panic in my eyes and how badly I was shaking, he crooned softly in concern. I gave his head a comforting rub, but then I told it to him straight. "Astrid is gone, Toothless. We have to find her before something bad happens."

We were in the sky moments later. I scanned the ground looking for blonde hair for a while, before realizing that she'd have put her hair in her hunting cap. So I just started to look for Stormfly. We hadn't been flying over the woods very long before I spotted her, walking sleepily to a destination. So, I followed the dragon, and then I heard it. Astrid's whisper-shout voice rang out through the woods.

"Stormfly!" I could hear her trying to be as quiet as possible, and soon, I followed the dragon enough so I could see her. I breathed in relief when I saw her, looking safe and out of danger. But then I saw her bags and all her weapons across her shoulders. She…she was leaving. She was leaving me again.

I watched with sadness really as Toothless blended in with the ground. She tied her bags up around Stormfly and I saw her look actually…almost sad about it. When she got on her dragon, I found my voice.

End of P.O.V.

…

"Astrid? What are you doing?"

The blonde didn't know what to do. All she could really do was turn her head and look and see the clearly saddened young Viking on his dragon below her. Without even meaning to, she looked at his eyes, and saw the green in his eyes darken and sadden with heartbreak. She felt even worse than how she felt when she thought she caused him pain. She didn't even know what to say except…

"Hello Hiccup…"

She turned her gaze away from him, and she heard him get off his dragon and stand next to her, placing a hand on her boot. "Astrid, are you leaving?"

With a deep breath, she answered. "Yes."

"Why?"

Why? She had reasons upon reasons why. She knew all the pain she caused him, and she knew how much their friendship had meant to him, and she knew how much she cared for him enough that she didn't want him to hurt for the rest of his life.

"Because I don't want to…"

Hiccup's words stopped her. "I know the reason Astrid…you don't want to be around dorky, wimpy, disgrace, disaster, mistake ridden Hiccup…"

The words blurted out her mouth. "What?! No…no no! That's not it at all! I promise, okay? That's not the reason!"

"Then why are you leaving?"

A thought came to her mind. If she timed it just right, she could tell him the truth, and then lightly kick Stormfly with her other foot and take off.

"Because…because I don't want to cause you any more pain…"

The words rung through his head. Oh, if she only _knew _how much pain he'd been through and suffered."Astrid…you're not hurting me…"

"What are you talking about? I see the way you look at me, like you're in pain and you look like you're truly not well like you can't even look at me because you're sad."

Had he really been acting like that around her? He knew it was probably mostly about the pain and swell of his arms and thighs daily, along with the pains his stomach felt from not eating or throwing up all the food he'd consumed. "Astrid, never meant to...I never wanted you to think that I was sad because of you, I was just…confused…ever since we left Berk, I haven't been able to stop thinking about the day you left me alone, to be bullied and discarded."

She knew this would come up, and she couldn't do this right now. She couldn't leave any more, she knew that, so she got off of her dragon and started untying the bags. "I'm sorry…" She whispered to herself, pulling her bags off the ground and tying them to Toothless, getting on behind Hiccup.

…

The ride was silent and they soared through the night sky. Astrid was so upset she didn't even bother to look at the stars. When they landed at camp, she took her bags off Toothless and set them inside her tent, fully fixed on going to sleep. As she placed the last bag back in its spot, she saw Hiccup at the entrance of her tent. He still had a look of hurt on his face.

"Hiccup…I…"

She sighed deeply and looked up at his sad face. She didn't know what to say to him.

"Astrid…may I ask you a question?"

She already knew what the question would be and she was dreading it so. But, she slowly and softly nodded.

"Astrid…why did you just decide that we couldn't be friends? I know you…or…I thought I knew you. I never thought you'd do that to me."

She turned away from him; still silent, feeling tears start to form in her electric blue eyes. But he deserved to know…he needed an answer. "My father…he…he didn't think you were strong enough to be my friend…thought that you would weaken me and that I needed to stop defending you and start toughening up…but I didn't want to…"

She couldn't even look at him. Behind her, his face held shock. All those years of thinking that she ditched him for a reputation was all in his head. She had been forced to stop seeing him.

"Why…why didn't you tell me?"

"Because…he said that if I didn't stay away from you, that he wouldn't let me be a shieldmaiden. That was all I ever wanted…it…hurt me to tell you that we couldn't be friends anymore…"

Now he was confused. But…she'd done what was told…why wasn't she currently a shieldmaiden now?

"But…you did what you were told…why did he try to sell you away?"

_Oh no._ This was another thing she'd been dreading…the answer was so simple, but she knew just how crushed he'd be if she told him. But he deserved to know.

"He…he saw how well you were in Dragon Training, said that if you got to kill the dragon, he'd give up on any hope of me being a shieldmaiden. I just thought that he would make me be like a bread maker or something…but I never imagined coming home to see my father had signed me up to be shipped away…"

_All your fault you stupid excuse for a Viking. _

Hiccup felt the voice in his head take over again, and he felt…mortified. _He_ was the reason Astrid was stuck here…_he_ was the reason she could have been in a filthy room…_he_ was the reason, and all he'd wanted to do was learn more about dragons. He felt his head spin wildly and suddenly had the urge to throw up…or perhaps he was urging to cut again…he didn't know, but he felt like he couldn't stand for much longer.

"I…I'm so sorry Astrid…I never meant for any of this…I…I thought you hated me…"

She could hear the shaking tone in his voice. Like he was afraid…or perhaps just shocked. She didn't know which one, but she felt awful about it just the same. "I never hated you, Hiccup…the only reason I was so angry after the last fight was because I was scared of my future…and…and I forgive you, I really do..."

"I ruined your life."

She finally turned around. He was pale, like a ghost. His eyes were filled with tears but they didn't dare escape. "Hiccup...no. You didn't ruin my life, I swear..."

"Then why did you try to leave? You say you don't want to hurt me, but if you left..." He sighed then, and she could hear the emotion in his voice. "You have no idea how much pain I've gone through..." Nervously, he pulled his sleeves, down, making sure his scars were covered.

"I'm so sorry Hiccup...I know how badly they beat you, and it pained me to see you like that..."

"It...It's okay Astrid...let's just not talk about this..."

She didn't know exactly what made her do it, but she lunged over and wrapped her arms around him, pressing herself against his small, skinny body, pouring all her feelings into the hug, not squeezing tightly, but enough to where she was latched onto him, letting him know that she still cared. As she continued her hug, she felt his arms slowly wrap around her as well, pulling her against him, his body warm and comforting against hers. She felt like she was a child again, pulling young Hiccup in for a hug as she always did, sometimes squeezing him a little too tightly, making him gasp. But this hug was gentle, light touches, like a reunion of sorts. It felt...right.

When they pulled away, Astrid felt her cheeks heat with color, and she managed to smile in the slightest for some reason. She felt...happy. "Hiccup? Do...do you think we could start over? Be...be friends again? Make up for what we lost, here on this island?"

"I...I...I don't know Astrid...I mean..." But he continued to look at her. The girl he grew up with, the same body shape, and the same warmth that she looked at him with. The hug made his mind fly back to his childhood, when he was free to hug Astrid whenever he wanted, just him and her against the world. he wanted that...he wanted that again.

"Yes...I'd love that Astrid."

...

With that, Astrid told him goodnight and Hiccup walked back to his own tent, smiling goofily as he removed his shirt and got into his blankets. But as his eyes began to droop, his eyes fell over his knife across the room.

_You ruined her life, you idiotic fool...she could have been sold and raped and forced to live in Hell because of you. You should feel ashamed of yourself you sick, horrible, bastard._

"No...no that's not true...she's okay now...we're friends again..."

_She's only feeling pity right now. She'll understand what you did to her soon, and it will be all over. She'll leave you, isolate you, trick you, and burn you. It's sad how gullible you are, you stupid piece of shit._

"She wouldn't do that. I know her..."

_So you know a girl you deserted you for three years? You really are too stupid. Bust down your wall of affection for her, and you'll see her true colors._

"I know her true colors, and they are beautiful."

_You really are a fool. Fine. Burn, and scar. Go ahead and have your heart ripped to shreds again. Your choice._

He continued to stare at the knife, feeling drawn to it as if it called him, drawing him closer...and closer...until he felt his fingers wrap around the hilt of the blade.

_Good boy._

He felt himself bring the blade to his arm, tracing the scars, but not letting the sharp object touch his rough skin, simply contemplating, trying to decide as he saw the scars he'd inflicted upon himself over so many years...

The hug returned to his memory as he let the blade touch his skin.

"No!" He tossed the unused blade across the tent, letting it fly over in the corner. "Astrid does care, and I don't care what you say! She cares, and she'll be here for me! Leave me alone!"

_You'll never be able to fight me. I'm already inside of you._

Breathing hard, he flopped against his bed, clutching his arm where the blade touched but did not slice. How close he had been...to opening another scar...bloodying another night. His thoughts traveled back to Astrid, how she'd wrapped her arms around him, bringing him close...he loved her. He truly, with all his passion, loved her. He'd known it for so long, and how he'd tried to resist, knowing it could never happen between him and her...and now she was here...and she cared...

_You're a complete fool...but don't listen to me...I'll enjoy watching you shatter._

His eyes closed and the pain of that day disappeared under his eyelids, his lips in a smile as he drifted into sleep.

...

_**For those of you confused, I re-wrote Chapter 1 slightly and changed the reason why Astrid left. But yes, as you can see, this story is getting a little more Hiccstrid, but I'm sorry to disappoint by saying that this series will not be rushed and a relationship may or may not happen...you'll just have to wait and see. Huge thanks to all my readers and I hope to get the next chapter out in ten days, as I've decided is a good schedule for me. I'm thinking every ten days on a Friday. Does that sound fair? I'll post in advance if I'm going to be late or not. I hope you guys are all enjoying the story and things are going to get...darker...in these next few chapters...just a warning.**_

_**I love you all!**_

_**-Carla ;)**_


	6. Author's Note and Sneak Peek

**_Hey everyone...listen. I'm really sorry, but there won't be a chapter for a while. Things have been bad right now with my family and my schoolwork and just my life in general. I really hope you all understand and I promise to have a chapter up by next month. I would also really appreciate it if I didn't get any hate comments about me being lazy, because It's not. But since I suppose it's only fair, I will give you a sneak peek._**

_"Nothing would tear us apart. We've been friends forever."_

"It's not like you're just pale for no reason, Hiccup. I'm not stupid."

_"She'll never love you, she's a strong, beautiful Valkyrie, and you, you are a worthless sad, ugly, wimpy little boy who will probably end up killing himself because boo-hoo, the girl he loves doesn't love him back!"_

"Look...about...the dragon training..."

"I just...kinda wonder what my dad is thinking about right now...you know, I mean...we've been gone for nearly a month."

"Did you just wince?"

"Astrid...please...don't blame yourself for this..."

_**And there you go. Don't think that I'm teasing you. I'm simply trying to make you somewhat happy. I am REALLY upset about this guys. But my life was been so full of crap that I have had barely any time at all to work on my chapter. I hope you all understand and forgive me.**_

_**Yours Truly,**_

_**Carla ;(**_


	7. Big News (PLEASE READ)

_**Hey everyone...so I have some news. After discussions with my co-writer and doing some hard research on Hiccup and Astrid's personality types and deciding on how certain things would affect future things...I mean after all, this is a NINE possibly TEN book series. We've worked HARD on this. So I've decided to re-write Sparks. Yes, the process will take a bit, and I hope to have the first chapter up by the beginning of March. I KNOW that you guys have waited really long for these chapters, but I PROMISE that things will be even BETTER than the original. Please, PLEASE don't give up on this story because it will be amazing. I'll be deleting this story March 5th, and then the first chapter should be up by then. Also, lots of people were confused by what I said about Hiccstrid. Hiccstrid WILL happen in these stories, I swear, but lots and lots of complications will take it a while to build it up. But it WILL happen. Now, I hope you all don't hate me and look forward to the the new story. I promise it will be better.**_

_**Love u guys,**_

_**Carla ;)**_


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